OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
