I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
