All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We need a shit load of segways right now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
