She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
