My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
