So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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