you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
