Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
