you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
