WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
