everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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