Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
