Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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