i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
