a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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