How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
