The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I AM VODKA MAN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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