Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
