In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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