It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
