no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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