he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
