Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
