I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
