Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
