Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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