I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
