I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
