i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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