I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just had sex bonerless
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i dont even know how to be here
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
