Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
