you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
