Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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