Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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