best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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