i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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