I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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