youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
