I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
