How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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