It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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