So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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