it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
