My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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