I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
