i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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