my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
People in love make me want to vomit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
