A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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