I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
