Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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