Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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