Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sex in a hospital.. check
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
