my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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