you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
